Issue 41 - Don't ask, you shall yet receive !

.. and other 'Biblical' interpretations for life..

Once upon a time, the good ol' Bible said, "Ask and you shall receive." (Matthew 7:7?)

But fast forward to the digital age, and it seems like the tables have turned. Now, you don't even have to ask, and information bombards you from all corners of the cyber universe. It's like having a swarm of Instagrammers, gossip aunties, scam bots, and selective listeners constantly vying for your attention.

Let's take a hilarious journey through the modern-day "ask and ye shall receive" dilemma.

First up, Instagrammers.

You innocently open the app to post a picture of your lunch, and before you know it, you're knee-deep in a sea of #OOTD posts, food bloggers, and influencers trying to sell you waist trainers. You didn't ask for it, but there it is—content galore, whether you want it or not. Suddenly, your feed resembles a virtual flea market where everyone's shouting, "Buy this! Look at that!" It's like walking into a store to buy milk and coming out with a blender, a yoga mat, and a pet goldfish named Bubbles. 

Our feeds become inundated with sponsored posts and advertisements, leaving us to wonder if we accidentally signed up for a crash course in consumerism. Thanks, Instagram algorithm, for reminding me that I need to lose weight while simultaneously tempting me with mouthwatering food pics.

Then there are the gossip aunties, those elusive beings who possess the uncanny ability to sniff out the juiciest tidbits of information faster than you can say "scandal." They lurk in the shadows, waiting to pounce with their latest scoop about who's dating who or who got a promotion. You could be minding your own business, sipping tea on your porch, when suddenly Aunt Mildred appears out of nowhere, armed with enough gossip to fill a tabloid. You didn't ask for it, but she's already dishing out the details faster than you can say, "Please, no more!" Whether it's the neighbor's daughter's failed romance or our cousin's questionable fashion choices, they're the unofficial tabloids of our lives.

No, we are not done yet.

Next in line are the scam calls from bots and automated services, promising you the moon and stars in exchange for your personal information. Your phone rings, and you excitedly rush to answer, only to be greeted by a robotic voice offering you the deal of a lifetime—a low-interest loan, a free vacation, or even a chance to claim your long-lost inheritance from a Nigerian prince. It's like playing a game of digital roulette where the odds are stacked against you, and the only prize is a one-way ticket to identity theft. From unbelievable loan deals to suspiciously cheap vacations, it's like playing a never-ending game of "Scam or No Scam." 

Spoiler alert: it's always a scam.

And let's not forget about dear old family members who have a knack for telling you exactly what they think you want to hear, even if it's not what you actually want to hear. You pour your heart out to them, seeking sage advice or a sympathetic ear, only to be met with empty platitudes and sugar-coated lies. "Oh, darling, you look absolutely stunning in that neon green jumpsuit," they say, as you stand there looking like a radioactive cucumber. It's like living in a world where honesty is as rare as a blue moon.

“There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” —Thomas Aquinas

Of course, we can't overlook our good friends who have mastered the art of telling you the partial truth. They mean well, bless their hearts, but they have a habit of conveniently leaving out certain details or embellishing the truth just a tad. You ask them if they liked your homemade lasagna, and they reply with a hesitant, "It was... interesting," leaving you to wonder if you accidentally swapped the sugar for salt again. It's like trying to navigate a maze of half-truths and white lies, with no clear exit in sight. Our good friends assure us, "I'll always tell you the truth."

And yet, when it comes down to it, they're experts in the art of selective honesty – conveniently leaving out the part where our haircut makes us look like a poodle crossed with a pineapple. Thanks for sparing our feelings, I guess?

Ah, children – the masters of selective hearing and selective responding. You could ask them to clean their room a hundred times, and they'll still claim they didn't hear you until you mention the word "ice cream." Suddenly, they're all ears and ready to negotiate. It's like living with tiny lawyers who specialize in loophole exploitation.

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Of course, there's the hairstylist – that unsung hero of the beauty industry who not only sells us products we don't need but also feels the need to comment on our eyebrows (yes, we're aware they exist in the shape and size I was born with, thank you very much). It's like going to the dentist for a filling and being told you need braces – unnecessary and slightly insulting.

Last but certainly not least, we have those sneaky gadget sellers who promise us the world but conveniently forget to mention the fine print. You buy the latest AC or iPhone, only to realize later that you needed to ask for extended warranty within 60 days of purchase. They don't sell it because they want to extort you later, my friend. And don't even get me started on the warranty for an Annual Maintenance Contract – it's like signing up for a lifetime subscription to frustration.

So, there you have it—the modern-day twist on the age-old adage, "Ask and ye shall receive."

In today's digital jungle, information finds you whether you want it to or not, and sometimes, the results are as entertaining as they are absurd.

So, the next time you find yourself inundated with unsolicited content, just remember to take a deep breath, laugh it off, and maybe invest in a pair of noise-canceling headphones (and yes, don’t forget the AMC and yes, keep the phygital - physical + digital - bill safe, for further claims and quarrels) 

Trust me, your sanity will thank you.

Till next time,

Cheers,

Kalyani