Issue #49 : Why Being Passive-Aggressive can be a Superpower

.. and absolutely necessary too!

So, the other day, I had this delightful conversation with a loved one. You know, one of those heartwarming exchanges where they tell you to knock off your passive-aggressive nonsense.

Yeah, apparently, I’ve been speaking this passive-aggressive language fluently and didn’t even know it. Like, seriously, who knew I was bilingual :p ?

I thought it was some new diet trend or maybe a type of yoga pose. But apparently, it's a way of expressing negative feelings indirectly rather than openly.

Who knew?

Now, let’s get something straight.

Sometimes, people think it’s easier to just agree to disagree, right? It’s like, "Hey, let’s stop arguing and just pretend we’re both right," which sounds like a perfect plan. I mean, isn’t it healthy for a relationship to end arguments this way?

It’s all about keeping the peace, even if it means giving a little eye-roll and a sigh as you do it. There’s no harm in that, right?

Think about it.

When you’re in the middle of a heated debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it does, by the way), sometimes you just have to say, "You know what, let’s agree to disagree." It’s a magical phrase that translates to, "I think you’re wrong, but I love you too much to keep fighting about this." Isn’t that the epitome of love and understanding?

You save the relationship, and nobody gets hurt. 

Well, except maybe your dignity, but who needs that?

Now, onto the next point: the whole idea of changing your stance and apologising.

People are always talking about how growth is important, how we should see others’ viewpoints, blah blah blah. But come on, why do we have to do it ALWAYS with a sunny smile and a Hallmark card?

Passive-aggressiveness is just a way to apologize without fully committing to it. It’s like saying, "I’m sorry you’re so sensitive" instead of just "I’m sorry." See? 

Apology delivered, but you still get to hold onto a shred of your original viewpoint. It’s efficient!

I mean, it’s not like we always have to agree to disagree, right? Sometimes, it’s totally okay to be firm about how we feel. 

Take, for example, when someone suggests going for a hike on a Sunday morning. You could be direct and say, "No, I hate hiking." Or, you could be passive-aggressive and say, "Oh, sure, because nothing sounds better than sweating and bugs at 8 AM." See? You’ve communicated your feelings perfectly, without having to flat-out refuse.

Plus, it adds a little spice to the conversation. 

Who doesn’t love a bit of sass?

Besides, being passive-aggressive is an art form. It’s like when someone asks if you’re mad, and you respond with, "No, I’m fine," while your body language screams, "I’m plotting your demise." It’s subtle, it’s nuanced, and it keeps people on their toes. It’s a way of asserting your viewpoint without going full-on confrontation mode. And let’s be honest, sometimes a little sarcasm is the only thing keeping us from completely losing it.

It’s also about balance. 

Standing Firm: Do We Always Have to Agree to Disagree?

Being too passive makes you a doormat, and being too aggressive makes you a bully. Passive-aggressive behaviour sits right in the sweet spot. It’s like the Goldilocks of emotional expression. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right. You get to express your displeasure, maintain a semblance of peace, and keep your sanity intact.

And let’s face it, life is too short to be straightforward all the time. Sometimes, you just need to let out a snarky comment and call it a day. It’s like emotional venting, but with style.

Like when someone says, "I didn’t know you were into that," and you respond with, "Oh, I’ve always been into things that annoy you." It’s perfect! You’ve expressed your feelings and added a dash of humour.

What’s not to love?

Ultimately, passive-aggressiveness can be a valuable tool—a misunderstood, under-appreciated tool, but a tool nonetheless. It helps avoid direct conflict, allows for a smooth transition in changing stances, and maintains one's viewpoint without coming off as confrontational.

Sure, it might not be the healthiest way to communicate, but since when has anyone stuck to a 100% healthy lifestyle anyway? Sometimes you need a little junk food in your diet.

In conclusion, I say embrace your passive-aggressive tendencies. They’re a part of who you are. They allow you to navigate the tricky waters of relationships with a bit of humour and a lot of sass. Sure, sometimes people might not appreciate the subtleties of your communication style, but that’s on them. 

They just need to learn to read between the lines. After all, it’s not like you’re being outright rude. You’re just… expressing yourself. And isn’t that what communication is all about?

So, to my loved one who asked me to ditch the passive-aggressive tone: I hear you. I really do.

But maybe, just maybe, a little passive-aggressiveness is exactly what this (any) relationship needs to keep things interesting. 

And isn’t that what really matters?

Till next time,

Cheers!

Kalyani